So, what does a 50 year old do when he’s home sick from work?  Not much. It was a relaxing day of hanging around the house and trying to get some strength back. I enjoyed listening to the Tigers opening day win and spending some time reading online. I ran across Google’s early April Fool’s video and so I checked out their challenge to become a Pokemon Master. 

A few hours later, with the help of my daughter and some internet cooperation, I captured them all!

So, what does a 50 year old do when he’s home sick from work? Not much. It was a relaxing day of hanging around the house and trying to get some strength back. I enjoyed listening to the Tigers opening day win and spending some time reading online. I ran across Google’s early April Fool’s video and so I checked out their challenge to become a Pokemon Master.

A few hours later, with the help of my daughter and some internet cooperation, I captured them all!

One of the top 5 dumbest movies I have ever seen!

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Wow!  My review of Noah.   Please do not go see this movie.

I went to see Noah tonight at the Lincoln Grand.  The main reason I went, was to check out the new UltraScreen DLX,

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The new theater was amazing.  I loved the seats, the screen was huge, and the surround sound system was the best I’d ever seen.  I had some coupons that allowed Catherine, Amy and I to go for $5 each.  The only movie option was Noah, so we thought we would check it out.  Going into the movie, we didn’t expect it to be perfectly true to the story, but we were more interested in the special effects and the new theater seats.

SPOILER ALERT - I’m going to tell plenty of things about the movie, but I’m also strongly recommending that you don’t waste a single dime on this movie.  Please feel free to read ahead and laugh as hard as I did, when I saw the movie a few hours ago.

About the only thing this movie has in common with the Bible story is a guy named Noah, an ark, and some water.  The things that aren’t in the Bible, and are also so ridiculous, they made me think I was in a movie being written by 5th graders were as follows:

Noah and his sons don’t build the ark.  It is built by a bunch of giant rock creatures that are about 30 feet tall.  They are actually fallen angels that felt bad for people after sin entered the world, so they left heaven to come to earth and help people.  God punished them by wrapping them in rocks and mud.  They got mad at people and started fighting with them, but Noah convinced them to help him build the ark

• Noah’s family has a tradition of passing down a blessing that has something to do with a glowing snakeskin that was apparently the skin from the snake form that Satan took when he tempted Adam and Eve.  It survives being outside the ark during the flood and is pretty weird

Noah’s family also lives on some land that has magical glowing rocks.  When you hit them, they cause sparks and fire.  Noah’s father is killed by Cain’s descendants that want these rocks.  They later use them to make fireworks and a type of gun that they use to kill the giant rock creatures.  When the creatures die, they explode and their angel form goes back up to heaven.

 • Noah’s grandfather, Methuselah, has magic powers.  He causes one of Noah’s sons to fall asleep instantly when he presses his thumb to his forehead.  I wish I had that power when my kids were little and teething.  He also has, what I like to call, magic fertility powers.  Noah’s oldest son, Shem, is in love with a girl (I’ll call her Hermione, because that’s who she is) that Noah’s family saved and adopted.  She was injured when they found her and although her injury was only a deep cut on one side of her abdomen, they declared her barren. Just before the ark was launched, Methuselah placed his hand on her abdomen and a strong wind (the wind of fertility?) swept around her.  She then instantly sprinted to find Shem and they conceived a child.  Hermione doesn’t know she is pregnant until this happens…..

• Mrs. Noah is great with herbal remedies.  When the animals start appearing on the ark, she whips up some leaves and things and when they are burned, they produce a smoke that makes all of the animals sleep.  They stay asleep for about a year, the entire time the ark is in the water.  Amazingly enough, the same smoke that knocks out elephants, bears and other large creatures, doesn’t affect the Noah family at all.

•Mrs. Noah also takes a leaf and has Hermione spit on it.  It glows, and that tells Mrs. Noah that Hermione is pregnant.  A home pregnancy test on the ark.  And to think my mom had to go to the doctor and have a blood test to find out she was pregnant with me in 1963.  She should have just spit on a leaf.

•Only Noah and Shem have wives on the ark.  The other two brothers don’t get wives, even though Ham tries really hard to find one throughout most of the movie.  Noah takes this as a sign that the Creator (God’s name isn’t mentioned at all….they just speak of the Creator) really didn’t want men to survive the flood.  Just animals.  He decides that they will all just die naturally after the ark lands and that is God’s will.  When he finds out Hermione is pregnant, he decides he will kill her baby if it’s a girl.  When she has twin girls, he stops, just before killing them, and decides to not obey God, but to let the children live.  He acts pretty insane for about the last hour of the movie.  They don’t show him build an altar and worship God after the flood is over, but they definitely show him getting drunk and naked.  He also pulls out the glowing snakeskin to pass his blessing on to his twin granddaughters.

• One of Cain’s descendants is a stowaway on the ark.  He chops his way in with a hatchet before the flood totally hits. (The flood and rain are only shown for about 4 or 5 minutes of the film)  He has a epic battle with Noah, but not until after he eats a lizard alive, essentially making that species of lizard extinct.

•When it’s time to build the ark, Methuselah gives Noah a seed left over from the garden of eden.  When placed in the ground, it grows an entire forest in about 10 minutes.  It doesn’t start, though, until the giant rock people are about to smash Noah, to make it more dramatic.

After reading all of this, I think you’ll see why I am encouraging all of you to avoid this movie.  If you really must see it, wait for it on DVD, but trust me, it’s not going to get any better.  I guess the reason for me going was to help educate so many of you as to how horribly bad it really is.

this-displeases-jimmy-novak asked:

I'm going to be busy until 10pm or so tonight (I live in California, I can't remember the Time Zone) and won't have access to the internet but any time tomorrow would be good ^^

I’ll keep in touch.  I have a few more leads and may be able to find the items I need by then, but I really appreciate the offer!

this-displeases-jimmy-novak

this-displeases-jimmy-novak:

scottguenther:

this-displeases-jimmy-novak:

I have some extra Pave furniture ….

Clocks: 4

Lamps: 4

Bureaus: 3

Closets: 3

Chests: 2

End Tables: 2

Bookshelf: 1

Bed: 1

Table: 1

Floor: 5

Wall: 1

Still have the pave wall and lamp? I would love those two items

The wall I put in an Exhibit Room, but I’ll totally give you one of my lamps! 8D (Sorry I took so long to respond - I was in class)

When’s a good time to do a town visit to pick up the lamp?

daeronsingollo
daeronsingollo:

Pave items for sale / trade!I currently have:Pave wall (8x)Pave bed (2)Pave clock (1x)Pave chest (2x)Pave table (2x) Pave chair (3x) Pave closet (1x)pave bookshelf (1x)pave end table (2x)pave sofa (3x)pave lamp (3x)pave bureau (3x)pave floor (3x)I’m searching for download exclusive or regionale items. (like the afternoon tea set, cat tower, etc) or bell offers.If you’d have anything to offer, please send an ask :3

I need the wall and the lamp. I would happily buy them

daeronsingollo:

Pave items for sale / trade!

I currently have:
Pave wall (8x)
Pave bed (2)
Pave clock (1x)
Pave chest (2x)
Pave table (2x)
Pave chair (3x)
Pave closet (1x)
pave bookshelf (1x)
pave end table (2x)
pave sofa (3x)
pave lamp (3x)
pave bureau (3x)
pave floor (3x)

I’m searching for download exclusive or regionale items. (like the afternoon tea set, cat tower, etc) or bell offers.
If you’d have anything to offer, please send an ask :3

I need the wall and the lamp. I would happily buy them